Hurting someone with a simple click

Spreading rumours and bullying is not new. But today’s children are dealing with something more sinister: cyberbullying. Children are using mobile phones and computers to hurt, humiliate and harass each other. What makes this type of bullying so disturbing is that it is constant, pervasive and public.

What is cyberbullying?

Bullying online can occur when kids create a fake online profile to impersonate a fellow student, repeatedly send hurtful text messages and images, post cruel comments on the Internet or any use of online tools to harass other children. Nasty comments, lies, embarrassing photos and videos and snide polls can be spread widely through instant messaging (IM) or phone texting, and by posts on social networking sites. It can happen any time – and anywhere, and can involve large groups of kids. The combination of online anonymity and the desire to be thought of as 'cool' can cause a child who normally wouldn’t say anything mean face-to-face to show off for other children. And because it's happening in cyberspace, it's often undetectable by parents and teachers.

Why it matters

Nothing crushes a child’s self-confidence faster than humiliation. And just imagine a public humiliation sent instantly to everyone they know. Sadly, hurtful information posted on the Internet is extremely difficult to prevent or remove, and millions of people can see it. Most cyberbullying happens when adults aren’t around, so parents and teachers may see only the depression or anxiety that results from being hurt or bullied. This emotional damage can last a lifetime.

Tips for all parents:

• Give your children a code of conduct. Tell them that if they wouldn’t say something to someone’s face, they shouldn’t text it, IM it or post it.
• Ask your children if they know someone who has been cyberbullied. Sometimes they will open up about others’ pain before admitting their own.
• Establish consequences for bullying behaviour. If children contribute to degrading and humiliating people, tell them their phone and computer privileges will be taken away.

Tips for parents of children under the age of 10:

• Keep online socialising to a minimum. Let young children use sites where chat is prescripted or prescreened. Two such sites are CBeebies and Club Penguin.
• Explain the basics of polite online behaviour. Tell your children that things like lying, telling secrets and being mean still hurt on the Web.
• Advise your children not to share passwords with their friends.

Tips for parents of children aged 10 to 13:

• Monitor their use. See what your children are posting and check their mobile messages.
• Tell your children what to do if they’re harassed. They shouldn’t respond or retaliate, they should block bullies immediately and they should tell you or a trusted adult. They shouldn’t delete the messages because the content may need to be reported to a phone or Internet service provider.
• If your child is doing the bullying, establish strict consequences and stick to them. That goes for rude or sexual comments about teachers, friends and relatives.
• Remind children that all private information can be made public. Posts on friends’ profiles, private IMs (instant messaging), intimate photos and in-jokes can all be copied and shared. If they don’t want the world to see it, they'd better not post or send it.
• Tell them not to stir up trouble. Chat sessions can get ugly fast. Make sure your children are respectful, because hurtful retaliation happens all the time.

Tips for parents of teenagers:

• Tell teenagers to think before they reveal. At this age, children experiment with all sorts of activities, many of which should not be made public. Remind your teenagers that anything they post can be misused by someone else.
• Remind them they aren’t too old to ask for your help. Sometimes, teenagers can handle things on their own, but sometimes they just need help. Coming to their parents isn’t babyish, it’s safe.

© Common Sense Media